Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.– Chuck Smith
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in...– Gary F. Hevel
The moon looked like a discarded toenail clipping submersed in a puddle of...– Lindsay Robertson
Chicken: it’s like a cow, but different.– Ben Olson
A patient says, “Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: ‘Could you please pass the butter?’ But instead I said: ‘You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.”
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all!”
soupsoup: Always do whatever’s next. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. Dusting is a...